Bocce Humor

Very little original here, most are take offs of other sports jokes. However, it is not known who is the originator of the basic joke. Some jokes and cartoons push the envelope of being really clean jokes. Hope you get a chuckle or at least a smile.

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BOCCE WITH THE POPE

Confucius Quote

CORPORATE SPORTS 

SIMPLE SPORT

HEAVEN ONLY KNOWS 

A HEALING SPORT

BOCCE QUESTIONS

THE PERFECT SHOT

THE ITALIAN CONFESSIONAL

WHY BOCCE IS BETTER THAN SEX 

THE ANNIVERSARY

TOO MUCH SUN 

 

 

 

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BOCCE WITH THE POPE

One day a man named Domonic was playing a bocce match with the Pope. On the first throw, Domonic misses the pallino by three feet. "Damn it, I missed." says Domonic. The Pope says,"You shouldn't say that, it is bad.

Later on in the match Domonic misses a critical point shot. "Damn it, I missed." says Domonic again. The Pope says, "Don't say that, next time you do, God will strike you down with a lightning bolt."

At the end of the final game, Domonic tries to spock to win the game. "Damn it, I missed." says Domonic once again. The Pope looks into the sky as the clouds start to split apart. Then a lightning bolt comes down from heaven, striking and killing the Pope. God's voice echos, "DAMN IT, I MISSED."


Confucius Quote
Confucius says: "Bocce all wrong, man with four balls cannot play."


CORPORATE SPORTS 

The National Foundation announced the following study results on corporate America recreation preferences:

1. Sport of choice for front line workers: BOCCE

2. Sport of choice for supervisors: BASEBALL

3. Sport of choice for middle management: TENNIS

4. Sport of choice for corporate officers: GOLF

CONCLUSION: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls.


SIMPLE SPORT

The bocce clinic instructor walked over to two women and asked, "Are you here to learn how to play bocce?"

One replied, "My friend is. I learned yesterday."


HEAVEN ONLY KNOWS 

There once were two best friends named Alphonse and Geno. They were two of the biggest fans of bocce in Italy. Their golden years revolved around bocce. They discussed bocce strategy in the winter, and they examined time they scored during the last season. They played over 60 games a year. They even agreed that whoever died first would try to come back and tell the other if there was bocce in heaven.

One summer night, Alphonse passed away in his sleep after winning a tough bocce game earlier in the evening.  He died a happy man.

A few nights later, his buddy Geno awoke to the sound of Alphonse's voice from beyond.

"Alphonse is that you?" Geno asked.

"Of course it me," Alphonse replied.

"This is unbelievable!" Geno exclaimed, "So tell me, is there bocce in heaven?"

"Well, I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which do you want to hear first?"

"Tell me the good news first."

"Well, the good news is that there is bocce in heaven, Geno."

"Oh, that is wonderful!   So what could possibly be the bad news?"

"You're scheduled to play tomorrow night."


A HEALING SPORT

Four old men were playing bocce one day when an angel of healing appeared at the end of the court.
When the astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first man asked the angel humbly, "I've suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam War and can hardly bend over to throw the ball. Could you help me?" "Of course," the angel said, and when he touched the man's back, the man felt relief for the first time in years.
The second man who wore very thick glasses said he has a hard time seeing the pallino and bocce balls. He asked if the angel could do anything about his poor eyesight. The angel smiled, removed the man's glasses and took his glass of wine from him. When she rubbed some wine on his eyes, the man's eyes cleared and he could see everything distinctly.

The third man said he had arthritis so bad in his hand that he could hardly hold a bocce ball.  The angel took his hand and touched each finger and then threw a ball to him which he caught easily. 

When the angel turned to the fourth man, he quickly raised his hands out defensively toward the angel. "DON”T TOUCH ME!" he cried, "I'm on a disability pension."


BOCCE QUESTIONS

A grandfather took his visiting grandson over to the bocce courts to play his favorite game. While they were playing, the boy suddenly became curious about the way the game was played. He asked his grandfather, "Why do you have to throw out the little ball first?” The grandfather replied, "Don't rightly know junior."

A little later, the boy looked at his grandfather and asked, "How much does this bocce ball weigh?" Once again the grandfather replied, "Don't rightly know junior."

A little later the boy asked his grandfather, "Why do you have to throw underhanded?" Again, the grandfather replied. "Don't rightly know junior."

After several more questions with the same reply, the boy asked his grandfather, "Grandpa, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?" The grandfather replied, "Of course not, if you don't ask questions, you will never learn anything."


THE PERFECT SHOT


A guy stood ready to make a bocce shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, figuring the distance, figuring the court conditions, direction and speed ... driving his opponent nuts.

Finally his exasperated opponent says, "What the hell is taking so long? Roll the damned ball!"

The guy answers, "My wife is over there watching me. I want to make this a perfect shot."

"GIVE ME A BREAK! You don't stand a snowball's chance in hell of hitting her from here."


THE ITALIAN CONFESSIONAL

A man goes to the confessional. "Forgive me father, for I have sinned."

"What is your sin, my child?" the priest asks back.

"Well," the man starts, "I used some horrible language this week and I feel absolutely terrible."

"When did you do use this awful language?" said the priest.

"I was playing bocce and rolled my first shot that looked like it was going within a foot of the pallino but all of a sudden it turned toward the sideboard."

"Is that when you swore?"

"No, Father." Said the man. "As it was rolling, a small dog ran out of the bushes and grabbed the pallino in his mouth and began to run away."

"Is THAT when you swore?" asked the priest again.

"Well, no," said the man, "You see, as the dog was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the dog in his talons and began to fly away!"

"Is THAT when you swore?" asked the amazed priest.

"No, not yet." The man replied. "As the eagle carried the dog away in his claws, it flew towards the toward the bocce court and as it passed over the court, the dog dropped the pallino."

"Did you swear THEN?" asked the now impatient priest.

"No, because when the ball fell it rolled against the sideboard, bounced off, rolled by one of my bocce balls, and stopped within two inches of my opponent’s bocce ball."

"Did you swear THEN?" asked the impatient priest.

 The man started to further explain, "No, I picked up my ball for the next shot---"

"You missed the DAMN spock, didn't you?" sighed the priest.


WHY BOCCE IS BETTER THAN SEX 

The equipment is always hard.

It lasts over an hour.

You can score 12 times.

Your team cheers when you score.

You can count on it at least twice a week.

You can tell everyone about it afterwards.


THE ANNIVERSARY

"You're so involved with bocce," whined the wife, "that you can't even remember the day we were married."

 "That's what you think!" countered the husband. "It was the same day I scored 12 points in three frames."


TOO MUCH SUN 

This guy is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It's not a ship."

The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a boat."

The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It's not a raft."

He makes it to a flat hard sandy beach and then, out of  the surf comes this gorgeous woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.  She comes up to the guy and says, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"  

"Ten years!"  he says. She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of  fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag, and says,  "Man, oh man! Is that good!"

Then she asked, "How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?"  He replies, "Ten years!" She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. He takes a long swig and says, "Wow, that's fantastic!"

Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of  her wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you've had some REAL fun?"  

And the man replies, "My God! Don't tell me that you've got a set of bocce balls in there!"


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The bocce addicts perfect Christmas Gift   Don't carry your bocce balls in your pockets!    
         
         
         

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